How to be an Undomestic Goddess Part 2: Undomestic Mama

As an Undomestic Mama, I have many tips of the trade. Some are too shameful to share, however. I fear that certain insider secrets might cast me in a bad light. I’ve selected a few of the more flattering tips, that highlight my undomestic-ness but won’t make anyone fear for the welfare of my children. I jest.

Bottles

As I’ve birthed each subsequent kid, my cleanliness requirements have diminished. With Thing 1, I sterilized each bottle after use, put the bottle in the fridge instantly after the baby finished if there was more than two ounces in it, and generally obsessed over everything as most new mothers are wont to do. That is until I googled it.

As soon as I found out that it was perfectly safe to wash your bottles as you’d wash your dishes, that’s what I did. But wait. It gets better! I didn’t use the dishwasher, I put the bottles in a tub of hot soapy water that we kept in the bathroom (counterspace issues) to be dealt with at the end of the night. What? I don’t do that with my dishes! I chuck them in the dishwasher after a quick rinse and scrub.

It didn’t dawn on me until Thing 2 arrived that the dishwasher would be way easier for mass bottle washes. Talk about thick! And I don’t just mean my hips.

Diapers

You have to change them. You have to buy them. You have to take them out to the garbage. You have to deal with smell. Let me tell you, living in a house with five humans and six animals, houseguests of the canine variety and my stellar undomestic-ness, smell is the last thing I worry about. My friends sell Party Lite. I’ve got it covered! Mostly.

Want to hear something laughable? I actually tried cloth diapers! BAHAHAHAA…haha…ha. I used them, I washed them, I dried them-for about three months. Then I threw in the towel. Or the five-day old poopy diaper, as it was.

They did come in handy when I forgot to buy diapers though. That would be my one good tip about cloth diapers-unless you’re a domestic goddess (I’m looking at you Jess H.), only buy two or three and see how you like them. You can always just use them for emergencies like we do.

Discipline

This has zero to do with domesticity or otherwise, unless we’re talking about trying to domesticate my children. I’m on the fence about how to deal with the boys when they are acting insane, melting down, back talking, etc. So, in keeping with the theme of general chaos, my discipline tactics are all over the place. Mostly, I threaten. And threaten. And threaten. And KAPLOW! Much like a bomb in a Batman comic, I explode. Probably not the most effective method of discipline, but there ya go.

This whole parenting thing is tough. I mean, I kind of knew it going in but I didn’t really know it, know it. Ya know? Kids are cute and funny and entertaining. Until they aren’t. And they come with so much stuff!!! Some days I barely keep my head above water juggling all my tasks and trying to keep my boys alive.

Go easy on yourself, mamas. Life is tough. Don’t make it harder by sweating the small stuff. Keep a headcount and make sure you end the day with the same number of people in your family you began the day with.

Until next time!

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